Now I want all the men on Facebook and Twitter who have ever
sexually harassed or assaulted a woman to post that fact as their status. It
could be something like “I’m one” or “I did it.”
The only thing is, the numbers would not add up.
It would not be because the millions of women posting “Me
too” are lying. It would be because many men don’t even get why the things they
do are wrong. I do not say this to dismiss the unwanted come-ons, the vague
innuendo during business trips, the joking/not joking comments in the break
room, the unwanted physical contact throughout the day, the un-asked-for
confessions of attraction or love from a boss or co-worker. All of these things
cross a line that should not be crossed.
Being a man, I can say with certainty that many men do not
see these actions as a problem. They view their words and actions as a
compliment to their female co-workers.
Clearly men like Harvey Weinstein, Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby,
and Donald Trump are in a different league. They do what they do because they
have all the power and taking what they want is something they have come to
believe is their right. They are blinded by their own overblown sense of self
into thinking “what woman wouldn’t want my penis in her mouth?”
These men will never be educated away from their actions. The
only thing to do with them is to call them out loudly and publicly and press
charges and hope they go to jail. Anyone they work for should fire them. Anyone
who buys their products should find an alternative.
The obvious question now is “How do we make this stop?”
By “we” I mean “men.” This is not a woman problem. Women are
not the ones sexually harassing and assaulting other women in the workplace. I
KNOW there will be people who cite examples of female bosses behaving terribly
in order to deflect blame from men, but I do not have time for the “women do it
to” argument. It is a bullshit argument. This is a man problem, plain and
simple.
I have a hard time imagining my Dad pinching a woman’s ass
at the office. I cannot picture him touching someone’s leg during a business
meeting. I certainly can’t see him demanding sexual favors before hiring or
promoting a woman. (I may simply be naïve and he may have done all of these
things…if he did, I would have to question everything I think I know about
him.)
Most of the men I know do not harass or assault women. But
clearly there are a LOT of men who do. If there weren’t, my Facebook feed would
not contain a relentless list of “me too”s. For each man that harasses a co-worker
there must a few men who witness it or suspect it and don’t say or do anything
to stop it. Just remaining an innocent bystander is not enough. Men have to
find the will to say “That is wrong. Don’t do that.”
Men need to speak up when they hear other men degrade or
debase women, even if there are no women there to be offended----Especially if there are no women there
to be offended.
Fathers, uncles, grandfathers, older brothers, and all men
who care need to actively call other men out when they say and do harassing and
belittling things about and to women. And we should NOT do this because we have
a mother or a wife or a girlfriend or a daughter that we love. If the only
reason we take a stand is because it affects someone we love, then that is
weak. We should do this because it is wrong to harass anyone, and men who
harass women need to hear that from other men.
