Saturday, June 21, 2008

Status of Forces Agreement With Iraq

Some Details

I didn’t like the way the guy down the road was treating his wife and kids. On top of that, he was mean to his neighbors. In fact, he was a pretty huge jerk. I had it on good authority that he was planning to actually poison his neighbor’s well. Rumor had it he had already killed the neighbor’s dog with tainted meat and he was looking for even deadlier compounds.
I organized a block meeting and I told all the neighbors that we needed to do something about the guy right away. Some of them joined me, but others argued we should slow down, talk to the guy to ask his intentions, maybe hire a private eye to poke around. Their ideas all seemed like half-measures to me—like appeasement, if you will.
So I gathered some friends and we went in there and we took the guy out. We took over his yard and then his house and we chased him down and tied him up. Then we searched his house. We also dug up his yard, but he must have known we were coming, because he had gotten rid of the chemicals and poisons. We couldn’t find them anywhere.
Well, once we got there his wife and kids proved to be a pretty ungrateful bunch. Instead of thanking us for tying up their abusive dad, they yelled at us for breaking all their furniture and digging up their yard. In all the fighting that first day, the fridge, microwave, t.v., and ground-floor toilet all got broken. And then the contractors hired to fix them did a half-assed job, if I do say so myself. Some of that stuff still doesn’t work.
So now here it is five years later and the guy is dead and his wife and kids are even more pissed because we still won’t give them their house back. But if we do, what is to stop them from trying to poison the neighbors again?
We have been negotiating lately—trying to work out a deal where we can leave the house to his family, but still make sure we get what we want. Only the family is not being cooperative at all.
Really all we are asking for is pretty small. We simply want the right to permanently occupy a few small rooms, to detain any family member we feel the need to detain, to have immunity from prosecution for anything we or our subcontractors might do “wrong”, and we want to retain control over the airspace above the property, just because.
That doesn’t sound unreasonable, does it?

Some more details

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