“Sorry about this, Congressperson Mace…”

“Sorry about this, Congressperson Mace…”

“Uh—that’s CongressWOMAN Mace, thank you very much!”

“Before I can let you in, Congressperson Mace, I’m going to need to perform a visual-and-possibly-manual inspection of your, um, well, you know…”

“What!? That’s utterly ridiculous. You know me. You’ve seen me here since I was elected to the House of Representatives from the great state of South Carolina in 2021. I was the first woman elected to the House from South Carolina EVER. Now let me in—I need to pee. We’ve been debating the Law for the Protection of American Blood and American Honor Act for hours and I really cannot hold it another minute. ”

“I can’t do that, Congressperson Mace. Speaker of the House Johnson—who, as I found out a bit earlier is VERY appropriately named—has decreed that ‘Women deserve women’s only spaces.’  So, before I can let anyone into the Big Congressgirl’s Private bathroom I’m going to need to see what you got in that skirt.”

“That is ridiculous—get out of my way. Now!”

“As much as I would love to make way so that you can relieve yourself in peace, these times demand that I see your genitalia.”

“Look—when I was the first female to graduate from the previously all-male Citadel in 1999 nobody demanded to see my…ladybits…before they let me in.”

“I understand that, Congressperson. But times have changed and now people want proof of biological sex. (Some people, anyway.) So you’ll need to Stop-Drop-and-Show. (Do you like that? I came up with it myself. Get it? STOP—that’s self-explanatory. DROP—like, drop your pants or your skirt. And SHOW! Like, Show me what you got.)”

“Yeah. I get it. But there’s no way I’m going to do it. Now let me in.”

“No can do, Congressperson. I’m gonna need to see some incontrovertible proof that you really are the first female to graduate from the Citadel—and I’m not talking about a framed diploma.”

“This is absurd. I. Am. A. Woman. Any fool can see that. And I need to pee.”

“I understand that it might be frustrating to have someone question your gender, but Donald Trump was elected with a mandate to make America great again. And “America” necessarily includes the women’s bathrooms IN America. So, are you going to show me what is in your underwear, or am I going to have to do a manual inspection?”

‘What!???!”

“According to rules set down by Speaker Johnson—(a REAL man if ever I saw one, especially for such a short guy!)--and I quote ‘if a person of unproven gender seeks entry to a bathroom reserved for people of just one gender, said person will be given the opportunity to prove their maleness or lack of maleness by showing their genitalia to a proper authority. If said person refuses to show his or her genitalia, a mandatory manual inspection is required before entry to previously denoted bathroom.’ So, if you won’t drop your drawers I’m going to have to feel for myself what you got hiding down there.”

“This is a total invasion of my privacy and I refuse. Now let me through!”

With this, Congressperson Mace tries to shove past the brave Capitol Police Officer assigned to bathroom duty just off of the floor in the House chambers. In the struggle and scuffle, Congressperson Mace loses control of their bladder and pees on the floor. Nancy Mace then slips in the pee and falls so that her skirt is hiked up far above her waist and it becomes clear to one and all that she is indeed CongressWOMAN Mace.

”You are cleared for entry, Congresswoman Mace. Have a great day!”